In an era where equal rights are as much of our everyday living as brushing our teeth in the morning, why is it that guys are treated differently, and not given the same privileges as women? Now before anyone gets ahead of themselves here, let me point out that this injustice isn't done by just women, but by men as well. To tell you the truth, I am kinda sick of it. I am sick of being judged by the world because my best friend and I (who is a guy), are closer than most "guy friends". Why is it that girls can hang all over each other, they can hold hands, they can share beds, and in some cases, even kiss, yet the world doesn't judge them...and in the case of the latter, the world even praises them. No one says anything about a girl that does those things, you don't here rumors of, "I think they're lesbians", you don't have people telling them that they're weird, you don't have people advising them not to have certain pictures because of how "gay" they look. I am not gay, and neither is my best friend. No siree!!! But I do love him, and I know that he loves me. I know that he will always be here for me, I know that he'll always be there to pick me up when I fall, and I know that I'll always be there for him. We have a great relationship and it's time the rest of the world gets on board! Just because you don't have the kind of friendship we have, just because you're not as close with your best friend as we are, just because you don't see every guy friends acting like Turk and JD from Scrubs, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with it. My buddy and I will always be like this, so if you want to be a part of my life, you'd better get used to it! As my very wise and mature friend likes to say, "Don't knock it till you try it" - while I don't really know how that would apply in this situation, I think it is a piece of wisdom that needs shared. :-)
I think the problem is the image that is set forth for "men". We're expected to be these big, strong handymen who don't show emotions (cause emotions are for women and gays), and who know lots of stuff about sports and cars. Well, if that's what you want in a man, than go for it...but I'm gonna let you know right now, that's not me. If that's what you expect out of me then you'd best not stick around me too long haha. I don't know squat about cars, I might be able to fix a couple things around the house, but am by no means a handyman, I do love sports, and consider myself pretty strong, but as far as sports go, I am not very big. As far as emotions go, well just the fact that I am writing this should be proof enough lol - I am about as emotional as you can get. I cry more than anyone in my family, whether it's from movies, music, or just life. So while I may not be the "American Man", I am still a man. Each person is different, and I am who I am. (No I am not God). I am anxious for the day when God brings me the girl I will spend my life with. I don't know when or who, but I do know it will be perfect. So to you, girl of my dreams, I write this for you: I will laugh with you, I will talk with you, I will listen to you, I will cry with you. I may not bring countless excitment or adventure into your life, but I will treat you how you deserve to be treated. My mother used to tell me, "Treat girls like princesses, because that's what they are." - I have followed that statement to the best of my abilities. I won't yell at you, I won't hit you. I won't make you feel bad, I won't lose your trust. I will love you, I will take care of you, I will respect you. Until the day we meet...signing off now. Goodnight.
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while i agree that the american ideal of a "manly man" is silly and overdone i don't think you realize that your comment about men not "getting the same priviledges as women" is kind of funny for most of the women who read this. Although I understand the context you are referring to and i agree with you i think you ought to make that comment more specific. Although women's equality has come a long way I don't think most guys realize how many glass ceilings women hit in this day and age just because we are women. For instance, statistics shows that women are paid less in the same jobs that men are paid higher in. Stuff like that. that example is only one of many. But, I do agree that women do have some priviledges men don't as well. Like you mentioned women do have more priviledges to show emotions and be touchy feeling with friends because Emotion is "the realm of women, almost every relationship or thing a woman does is done to seek intimacy (in a closeness or emotional way), and the things men do are usually done to seek status. Which is why other guys tear you down for being close because they are trying to make their own status higher and tear you down. It's just how our society works right now and young boys and girls are raised accordingly almost naturally because it is engraved in our society's mind. You however have had the priviledge of being raised by a very wise and nurturing mother so you have the ability to show emotion and be sensitive. DOn't ever think it's bad, most girls think it's a plus and if guys tell you otherwise tell them off or do what you did. ANyone that says someone else is gay because they show emotion is ignorant so know that. THat being said, Im pretty sure I've heard you say other guys are "gay" too ;) I think sometimes guys don't even realize they are saying that so much. In my opinion manliness is not about being macho it's about being of strong character and leadership and stepping up to watch out or take care of loved ones and being man enough to tell the people you do care about that you love them ; )
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's bad that I am the way I am, but I've actually had more girls make comments about me and Clarence than guys. Which is why I wrote this...I wrote this more for girls than for guys haha - and sure most girls think it is a plus for a guy to be in touch with emotions, but usually on a friend basis. Most girls don't want an emotional boyfriend or husband, they want their "American man", strong and opinionated about everything whether or not they are educated in anything. Girls love having guy friends to connect with, and talk with, but only on a platonic level. Sure that isn't always the case, I know plenty of girls who are different, but I'm generalizing here haha
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't really wanna get into this, I think the data about women getting paid less in the same jobs is outdated. I don't think you will find that too often anymore.
Thanks for your thoughts Micha :)
I don't want to steal Chad's thunder and won't get into either, but I will at least say the data isn't outdated, but is misinterpreted. Women are paid less than men. But there are 3 very logical, non-sexist, reasons for this. One is the types of job women as a whole tend to take -- more stable and less risky, thus lower paying -- another is the fact that women as a whole tend to break their career short to stay at home and raise a family, or try to juggle both work and a family -- keeping them out of higher paying management positions and in lower paying entry level positions -- and third, IQs, for women, as a whole tend to gravitate closer to the mean whereas those of men tend to gravitate to both extremes -- meaning women tend to occupy the middle of the IQ spectrum and men tend to occupy both the smart end and dumb end, thus men tend to have more of the jobs that require more intelligence (and less intelligence as well). Walter Block has some good data on this topic of pay and has been giving some lectures at various campuses lately as well. This doesn't mean that women can't get higher paying jobs, they can, they just have to choose to take those riskier jobs and forgo family. In cases where women and men work alongside each other they tend to get paid the same for the same job, and in many cases actually make more than the men do. Nor does this say that there aren't genuine cases of sexism out there, there are, my previous boss was sexist, but that doesn't preclude the employee from finding work elsewhere where a sexist employer isn't determining pay.
ReplyDeleteNow, to Chad... all I have to say is, I agree, you are not the "American Man". :) No seriously, you make good points. This is where objective collectivism fails and individualism triumphs. Take each person on their own and not as a stereotypical whole.
I want to add to my post... you touched on it, but I wanted to expand further. It's not even in relation to male-male friendships that are close that get guys accused of being gay, and not just by other guys, but girls as well. I've never had a guy friend that I've been as close to as you are to Clarence, except maybe you, but you're my brother, so that is different. Further, outside of Amy and maybe Christi, I've never been that close to a female friend I've been that close to either. Yet, I've had my sexual orientation questioned (seriously, not jokingly) several times by both men and women. I've been asked out by at least 7 different guys, and all seemed genuinely surprised when I told them I didn't swing that way. I've had at least 5 women seriously ask me if were gay, and another 1 or 2 that were surprised to find out I wasn't. Even people that I spent time with on a day to day basis at work asked me on more than one occasion if I wasn't really gay.
ReplyDeleteAll this because I have interests that are outside the male stereotype. I love fashion, shoes, jewelry, and I like womens fashion more than mens. I love womens shoes in particular. Not that I would ever wear them. I love the architecture and design that goes into them, same with dresses. Not to say I don't like mens shoes, I own enough pairs to prove that I do. But it is because I care about my appearance and notice what effort others go into on theirs. I'm also not afraid to comment on a girls haircut, or outfit, or part of her outfit, even complete strangers. I like food and I like to cook. And here it is because I notice and like fashion, and because I can cook and know wines and cheeses... and probably because I don't ever make workplace comments on how hot some female customer is or how hot some female movie star is (nor do I do so with male customers or movie stars).... I'm not afraid to hug people, even people I'm not close with -- male or female -- if they need a hug. Hugs are powerful and are great for reassuring and comforting people and I'm very willing to hug an acquaintance if I feel they need one.... that I get questioned on whether I'm into women or men. Just because I buck one stereotype doesn't mean I automatically fit into another.
I am afraid that a lot of young men in our generation today start out as sensitive heterosexual males and begin to believe that they must be gay to have such emotions. I have seen some young men from homes where the mother is mistreated by the father find themselves hating the male role and defending their mother--also causing them to question their sexuality.
ReplyDeleteWe live in such an increasingly confusing society that no man anymore seems to know what makes him man, what makes him valuable, what makes him ok. I am glad you are finding strength in your identity, Chad. Pass it on!!