I fear that my life will be meaningless. That I will fail at all that I do. That I won't fulfill any of my dreams (playing professional baseball, having a family, etc...). I want so badly to achieve my goals, that I am sometimes overwhelmed by my fear, and often find myself unable to see beyond the current barriers, to what is just around the corner.
I started thinking the other day about this fear of failure. What is it really? Am I afraid of failing? Or am I, in fact, unwilling to trust that no matter what happens in my life, Jesus is in control? Because if I really think about it, the life of a Christian, who walks in close relationship with Jesus, never ends in failure! So whether I become a professional athlete, or if I just become a no name high school coach for a mediocre team in the middle of nowhere, as long as I live my life for Jesus; I will triumph. As long as I love my wife, treat her right, keep our love pure, and be the Christ-like head of our relationship; I will be praised in heaven. As long as I am there for my kids, and bring them up to the best of my ability to grow up to be God loving, God fearing, God centered lives; I will not fail.
And I don't need all 3 of those scenarios either. All I need is Christ, and I know He will always be there. So what do I have to worry about?
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Now playing: The Matches - Little Maggots
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Overwhelmed
So this will be a little different than most my posts - I just feel so overwhelmed, I felt the need to let out some of the thoughts in my brain.
It's been almost 3 months now since [BLANK] broke up with me. I've been trying so hard to get over her; but I can't. It probably doesn't help that her brother and my sister really like each other. Then today, I see her for the first time since she told me she want to be just friends. Which didn't really happen; after talking maybe twice after the break up, she pretty much pretended I didn't exist after the New Year. Even though I've done nothing but support her decision. Maybe she wanted me to fight? Possibly. But she seemed so fragile and weak that it felt like fighting for her would just tear her apart. She said she need to figure things out: I guess that meant getting me completely out of her life. Seeing her today was awkward. On one hand, I didn't want it to seem like I was super excited to see her for the first time since December 24th, but then again, on the other hand; I was. The result of that combo was awkwardness. I wish I could have that moment over again :-\
*SIGH* I'm just so burnt out. Physically from snowboarding, spiritually from not understanding God's purpose for my life, and emotionally from still caring deeply for a girl who wants nothing to do with me. Part of me wants to try talking to her again, even though it would most likely end up in an unanswered phone call or ignored text message. But still at least I'd make an effort right? Or not; I told her when we broke up that I'd give her her space, and let her figure out whatever she needed to figure out, maybe I should just continue to let her live her life the way she wants: Without me apparently. But I also promised I'd always be there as a friend. If I don't say something now, I may not get another chance. How do I get rid of/ignore these urges to talk to her, to be her friend? (Which I would be totally fine with BTW - it's not like all I am wanting is a relationship - I'd prefer just a friendship in fact) How do I tell someone who doesn't care, that I care? What do I do?
"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" Psalms 13:1-2
"But I TRUST in your UNFAILING love;
My heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD for He is good to me." Psalms 13:5-6
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Now playing: The All-American Rejects - Sunshine (Hidden Track)
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: The Format - Dog Problems
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
via FoxyTunes
It's been almost 3 months now since [BLANK] broke up with me. I've been trying so hard to get over her; but I can't. It probably doesn't help that her brother and my sister really like each other. Then today, I see her for the first time since she told me she want to be just friends. Which didn't really happen; after talking maybe twice after the break up, she pretty much pretended I didn't exist after the New Year. Even though I've done nothing but support her decision. Maybe she wanted me to fight? Possibly. But she seemed so fragile and weak that it felt like fighting for her would just tear her apart. She said she need to figure things out: I guess that meant getting me completely out of her life. Seeing her today was awkward. On one hand, I didn't want it to seem like I was super excited to see her for the first time since December 24th, but then again, on the other hand; I was. The result of that combo was awkwardness. I wish I could have that moment over again :-\
*SIGH* I'm just so burnt out. Physically from snowboarding, spiritually from not understanding God's purpose for my life, and emotionally from still caring deeply for a girl who wants nothing to do with me. Part of me wants to try talking to her again, even though it would most likely end up in an unanswered phone call or ignored text message. But still at least I'd make an effort right? Or not; I told her when we broke up that I'd give her her space, and let her figure out whatever she needed to figure out, maybe I should just continue to let her live her life the way she wants: Without me apparently. But I also promised I'd always be there as a friend. If I don't say something now, I may not get another chance. How do I get rid of/ignore these urges to talk to her, to be her friend? (Which I would be totally fine with BTW - it's not like all I am wanting is a relationship - I'd prefer just a friendship in fact) How do I tell someone who doesn't care, that I care? What do I do?
"How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" Psalms 13:1-2
"But I TRUST in your UNFAILING love;
My heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the LORD for He is good to me." Psalms 13:5-6
----------------
Now playing: The All-American Rejects - Sunshine (Hidden Track)
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: The Format - Dog Problems
via FoxyTunes
----------------
Now playing: My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
via FoxyTunes
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Determined to LIVE
It's been awhile since I have been on here to talk to all of you. Mainly because nothing significant has effected me over the last couple weeks. To put it simply, I've had nothing to write about. What has changed, then? Why catastrophic event has caused me to forget everything else I am doing to sit here and type this?
Nothing.
I have nothing more to say to you, than I did 3 weeks ago. Yet, today I woke up determined. I am determined first of all, to get rid of this cough that I've had now for over a month. I'm gonna get rid of it. I also woke up determined to change my life. I am not happy. I know that I have more than most, yet for some reason, I am unhappy for the few things I don't have, or that I've lost.
Why is that?
What's the difference between knowing, and believing? Because I know that God is in control of my life. I KNOW that He is my shepherd and I am His sheep. I KNOW that my life is working perfectly in God's timing, and that everything I have, or don't have, is because God decided to give it too me, or not. I KNOW that His wisdom is perfect. If I know all this, why is it so hard for me to believe any of it? Why do I struggle everyday about where my life is? Why am I unhappy? Why do I spend my time thinking of those who have hurt me, instead of thinking of the ONE who has never, and will never, hurt me?
I think a lot of the times, we as humans look for the quick fix. I know I do. I don't want to work on something everyday, not bearing any fruit, for who knows how long in order to get where I need to be. I want to win the lottery. I want to get the quick fix. I want the prize at the end, without the work in between.
That's not how it works though. The longer we put off doing "the work", the longer we hold back the joy that we will one day behold. It is with that thought in mind that I woke up determined. Determined to no longer "sit and wait", but to get up and do the work God has in store for me. Determined to stop being a pushover, letting everyone walk over me and treat me like dirt. Determined to stop letting my relationship with Christ be misunderstood for weakness. He does not make us weak, but strong; and in Him I will be strong. Pray for me.
Signing off. God Bless
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Now playing: mewithoutYou - In a Sweater Poorly Knit
via FoxyTunes
Nothing.
I have nothing more to say to you, than I did 3 weeks ago. Yet, today I woke up determined. I am determined first of all, to get rid of this cough that I've had now for over a month. I'm gonna get rid of it. I also woke up determined to change my life. I am not happy. I know that I have more than most, yet for some reason, I am unhappy for the few things I don't have, or that I've lost.
Why is that?
What's the difference between knowing, and believing? Because I know that God is in control of my life. I KNOW that He is my shepherd and I am His sheep. I KNOW that my life is working perfectly in God's timing, and that everything I have, or don't have, is because God decided to give it too me, or not. I KNOW that His wisdom is perfect. If I know all this, why is it so hard for me to believe any of it? Why do I struggle everyday about where my life is? Why am I unhappy? Why do I spend my time thinking of those who have hurt me, instead of thinking of the ONE who has never, and will never, hurt me?
I think a lot of the times, we as humans look for the quick fix. I know I do. I don't want to work on something everyday, not bearing any fruit, for who knows how long in order to get where I need to be. I want to win the lottery. I want to get the quick fix. I want the prize at the end, without the work in between.
That's not how it works though. The longer we put off doing "the work", the longer we hold back the joy that we will one day behold. It is with that thought in mind that I woke up determined. Determined to no longer "sit and wait", but to get up and do the work God has in store for me. Determined to stop being a pushover, letting everyone walk over me and treat me like dirt. Determined to stop letting my relationship with Christ be misunderstood for weakness. He does not make us weak, but strong; and in Him I will be strong. Pray for me.
Signing off. God Bless
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Now playing: mewithoutYou - In a Sweater Poorly Knit
via FoxyTunes
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